Brazilian Bikini Wax: A How Not To Guide

•  
  • Wander into a Sally’s Beauty Supply looking for a hair mask.
  • Pick one, then glance over at the waxing aisle.
  • Become intrigued by the DIY kits.
  • Think about how much you hate shaving.
  • Look at how professional the boxes look.
  • Realize they are only $9.99.
  • Wonder why they are so cheap.
  • Buy one anyways.
  • Drive home and throw the box in a corner.
  • Forget about it for a week.
  • Write papers.
  • Get high off of paper completion.
  • Remember box.
  • Decide tonight is the night.
  • Prepare room with a white sheet and mirror.
  • Light as many candles as you can find.
  • Strip.
  • Realize you’ve never really looked at your lady parts in a mirror.
  • Feel guilty about subjecting them to hot wax.
  • Remember how much you hate shaving.
  • Put pants back on and take wax jar into the kitchen.
  • Heat for 30 sec.
  • Poke it and realize it’s solid.
  • Heat for another 15 sec.
  • Poke it and realize it’s still solid.
  • Heat it for another 30 sec despite the “do not heat more than 1 min” warning on the jar.
  • Poke it and get splattered with wax.
  • Curse and take jar back to room.
  • Strip again.
  • Apply pre-cleanser and pre-oil.
  • Pick up applicator stick and attempt to transfer wax to lady parts.
  • Watch in slow motion as wax spills from stick.
  • Realize you now have too little wax in too many places.
  • Apply second coat to one spot to make it thicker.
  • Curse wax that claims not to need muslim strips.
  • Lift end of wax strip.
  • Yank. 
  • Stare at the tiny wax crumb that came off.
  • Realize that your vagina will forever be covered in wax.
  • Try not to panic.
  • Start yanking bits and pieces.
  • Try not to yell so as not to alert the roommate that you are committing self-mutilation.
  • Watch as what seem like strips of skin come off with the wax.
  • Count the number of wax pieces you have been able to remove in ten minutes.
  • Count the number of wax pieces remaining.
  • Look for scissors.
  • Remember scissors are in the living room.
  • Check to make sure roomie is in her room and the door is closed.
  • Run out with your waxy vagina and grab the scissors.
  • Run back.
  • Attempt to cut wax off.
  • Pat yourself on the back for being semi-successful.
  • Realize you still need to pull off several pieces.
  • Yank them off in quick succession.
  • Apologize to your vagina, which feels like it’s on fire.
  • Decide you might like shaving after all.
  • Run to the bathroom and fill up the tub.
  • Notice your razor is missing.
  • Remember it’s in the bag you took to M’s.
  • Remember that the bag is in the car.
  • Curse and wrap yourself in a towel.
  • Grab keys and run out like a crazy person.
  • Realize you grabbed the house keys by mistake.
  • Run back.
  • Trip on the stairs.
  • Let out a loud Spanish expletive.
  • Grab correct keys and go back outside.
  • Find razor.
  • Throw it at the water in anger.
  • Give up on life and go on Tumblr instead.

 This made me LOL. TMI I’ve been wanting to get it done for a while soo I’m finally  getting it professionally done this weekend. ouchhh.

notes